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Three Verbs
(3rd edit)
a well dressed mess,
I am but a man
with a sinister past
seeking redemption.
bitching,
venting,
& ranting
& ranting
three verbs which bring
peace & temporary relief
to a mind bound in chains
and with flaws like these
are a necessity for sanity.
with an addiction to words
mixed with use of these verbs,
peace & temporary relief
to a mind bound in chains
and with flaws like these
are a necessity for sanity.
with an addiction to words
mixed with use of these verbs,
writing is now my outlet,
my craved for extrication,
even my superlative release
in the pursuit of an escape
from a reality which once
was capable of compelling
my lips to crease into a smile,
but now only fills my chest
with the tension of a thousand
cold-sweat soaked nightmares.
in the pursuit of an escape
from a reality which once
was capable of compelling
my lips to crease into a smile,
but now only fills my chest
with the tension of a thousand
cold-sweat soaked nightmares.
incessant writing grants
my mind lucidity as I seek
the return to actuality
and clears room for the
necessary occupation of
thought required to keep
these demons composed
of crushed, lined up pills
and empty bottles at bay.
my mind lucidity as I seek
the return to actuality
and clears room for the
necessary occupation of
thought required to keep
these demons composed
of crushed, lined up pills
and empty bottles at bay.
I feel the genius today.
I love every word, letter,
and line that I'm writing.
but tomorrow I'll hate this.
but tomorrow I'll hate this.
I'll think this shit is worthless
as I consider deleting it all.
Yet I can't part with it.
like my utter inability to
forget & let go of this fading
amatory connection whose
love once gave me hope as
well as sex that left scars,
both cerebral and somatic.
both cerebral and somatic.
I loved her so fucking much
and if I'm being honest,
I must admit I still do.
and if I'm being honest,
I must admit I still do.
as a parting favor
I must ask you not
to confound these
words I write with
apathy and despair;
they may sting off
they may sting off
the tip of my tongue
but they come from
a place that's sincere
and filled with more
than mere goodwill.
I simply have a crestfallen
& despondent perspective.
This, too, will
& despondent perspective.
This, too, will
pass with time.
or so they say.
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ReplyDeleteHey Jackson
ReplyDeleteGreat use of enjambment. Important I think for your tone & message – you could play with this even more. (The very essence of “rant”).
Strong concept worthy of poetic muse.
Interesting long title in bold & nice return with the last bold lines.
Tidy, tight lines that flow. The form’s curves and body text is pretty.
All this is IMHO & rules are to be broken – but break them well and for a reason:
Always playing with fire in using traditional poetic words: despair, love, redemption, hope, honest…
Careful with “dressed mess” and “am but a man;” rhymes and pseudo rhymes marry better with structured poetry – not so much free verse.
You can take this way farther! Your language rules out any audience but adult – so go there. The message needs to carry farther than the superlatives themselves. You don’t want them to stand out like oak in a desert.
Like in your use of love and sex- you pull it off- do more of this (either metaphoric or dualistic? Btw section: “love once –thru- I still do” strongest portion). I crave further metaphors/similes.
Try more show than tell! (Example: I feel, I love, I tend, - show us how you feel, love, tend, in concrete terms.)
Think less passive and more active.