if you've ever known someone addicted to drugs & alcohol and wanted to help them, but found
that they continued using and lying no matter what you did in an attempt to
help them quit… read this.
Here you find
yourself sitting dumbfounded, praying fervently for solutions to rescue this
person from the dark and tragic life they have created in their drug
addiction. No threat or enforcement of consequence or ultimatum has stopped the
reoccurring relapses or the lies that surround them, so your patience has probably worn
razor thin and forgiveness is growing progressively harder to grant them. Maybe you're not quite to that point with them. Maybe they're still lying to themselves about what they've been doing, what they've become.
Someone realizing and admitting that they have a drug problem is, of course, the only place that fixing it can start. So if they've gotten there, great. If not, do your best (without preaching or condemning) to help them to see reality in the mirror's reflection.
click here for a few tips on how to do this.
Next they need to realize on their own and with clarity the damage and heartbreak their actions have caused, not only to those who love and care about them, but to themselves as well. This is one of the hardest parts of beginning recovery. Anyone can think about opportunities and bridges they've burned and have feelings of guilt and remorse – that’s not the experience this is suggesting. What it is suggesting is the pursuit of an objective view of one's actions without blame or victimization. This humble pursuit of a perspective is something an addict must have in order to begin changing, and it has to be based in brutal honesty.
The twelve-step program has helped millions upon millions of addicts begin and maintain a program of sobriety and recovery and it must be commended for its effectiveness - that being said, it is not the sole path to recovery. However, I would argue that no matter what path one takes to quell their addiction, success can only be found if the root causes of the addiction are identified and addressed. I would also say that people struggling with addiction (and specifically substance abuse) are lacking a necessary spiritual connection with a higher power (whatever that may be to them.) Speaking from experience, addicts live in a cycle of selfishness and act according to the belief that the universe revolves around them. A belief in a higher power is proof of humility and a willingness to give up that selfishness in order to attain sanity again. This process, even of developing a belief and relationship with a higher power, has its most clear & potent results when sought through deep & sincere prayer and meditation. This allows them to understand the pain, rather than just dwell on it. Only then will change begin.
Morality, love, willpower, desire, strength, ambition, motivation, depression, depravity, heartbreak.These are a few of the things that in most people's minds should start the momentum of overcoming, of changing one's path. Any one of those is powerful enough to enact change inside of someone normal, so the combination of all of them should be able to change anything, right? No. The person you’re trying to help has become well-acquainted with an all consuming demon that has the word addiction plastered on its forehead who’s will and means to carry it out trump all of these, they are each but trees in the shadow of a mountain. None of those ten things just listed have any say or power when confronted with a drug and/or alcohol addiction. It is powerful. As badly as you wish this disease would just pass, all that you can do is give encouragement and let the suffering addict know you give a shit about them (though it can be next to impossible for them to believe anyone does anymore.) God is the only one that can save this lost soul, the only one more powerful than this addiction, so guide them in His direction whenever the opportunity arrives.
Don’t put up with their bullshit. Self-will and self-control may be long since gone from the life of the addict, but that doesn't give them a pass to trample on everyone in their lives. call them out on their lies every single time. When they think they get away with something they’ll keep doing it. I promise, I did it, but confront them in the right way. A loss of will and control doesn't mean they’re retarded or incapable of experiencing bits of humanity like anyone else. Telling them how stupid a decision was or how much of a liar they are or how bad of a decision they made will never be news to them. They've heard it all, probably many times today already in the confines of their own mind. Rather than trying to help them see how many mistakes they've made, try helping them see a path to making amends and to making a better decision the next time. Open doors for them, but do not push them through, for this will spoil whatever fruit lies through that door.
Addiction is powerful, overwhelming, and consuming. It's running rampant through our streets, creating broken homes and those afflicted are filling our hospitals, jails and prisons. If you've taken the time to read to this point, my guess is that you know an addict you want desperately to help, or you're at least interested and concerned with the issue. Educate yourself and those around you. That's where solving this problem will begin, ignorance only inflames and perpetuates it. Do what you can to help the addict but do not deprecate yourself if and when their behavior fails to change. If it's going to happen, they'll be the one to make it happen, so be patient but guarded.
People are capable of change, that is a fact. Another fact? No one can control another person's actions or desires, we can only influence, so make that influence something positive and meaningful and hope for the best. That's all that can and should be done.
Someone realizing and admitting that they have a drug problem is, of course, the only place that fixing it can start. So if they've gotten there, great. If not, do your best (without preaching or condemning) to help them to see reality in the mirror's reflection.
click here for a few tips on how to do this.
Next they need to realize on their own and with clarity the damage and heartbreak their actions have caused, not only to those who love and care about them, but to themselves as well. This is one of the hardest parts of beginning recovery. Anyone can think about opportunities and bridges they've burned and have feelings of guilt and remorse – that’s not the experience this is suggesting. What it is suggesting is the pursuit of an objective view of one's actions without blame or victimization. This humble pursuit of a perspective is something an addict must have in order to begin changing, and it has to be based in brutal honesty.
The twelve-step program has helped millions upon millions of addicts begin and maintain a program of sobriety and recovery and it must be commended for its effectiveness - that being said, it is not the sole path to recovery. However, I would argue that no matter what path one takes to quell their addiction, success can only be found if the root causes of the addiction are identified and addressed. I would also say that people struggling with addiction (and specifically substance abuse) are lacking a necessary spiritual connection with a higher power (whatever that may be to them.) Speaking from experience, addicts live in a cycle of selfishness and act according to the belief that the universe revolves around them. A belief in a higher power is proof of humility and a willingness to give up that selfishness in order to attain sanity again. This process, even of developing a belief and relationship with a higher power, has its most clear & potent results when sought through deep & sincere prayer and meditation. This allows them to understand the pain, rather than just dwell on it. Only then will change begin.
Morality, love, willpower, desire, strength, ambition, motivation, depression, depravity, heartbreak.These are a few of the things that in most people's minds should start the momentum of overcoming, of changing one's path. Any one of those is powerful enough to enact change inside of someone normal, so the combination of all of them should be able to change anything, right? No. The person you’re trying to help has become well-acquainted with an all consuming demon that has the word addiction plastered on its forehead who’s will and means to carry it out trump all of these, they are each but trees in the shadow of a mountain. None of those ten things just listed have any say or power when confronted with a drug and/or alcohol addiction. It is powerful. As badly as you wish this disease would just pass, all that you can do is give encouragement and let the suffering addict know you give a shit about them (though it can be next to impossible for them to believe anyone does anymore.) God is the only one that can save this lost soul, the only one more powerful than this addiction, so guide them in His direction whenever the opportunity arrives.
Don’t put up with their bullshit. Self-will and self-control may be long since gone from the life of the addict, but that doesn't give them a pass to trample on everyone in their lives. call them out on their lies every single time. When they think they get away with something they’ll keep doing it. I promise, I did it, but confront them in the right way. A loss of will and control doesn't mean they’re retarded or incapable of experiencing bits of humanity like anyone else. Telling them how stupid a decision was or how much of a liar they are or how bad of a decision they made will never be news to them. They've heard it all, probably many times today already in the confines of their own mind. Rather than trying to help them see how many mistakes they've made, try helping them see a path to making amends and to making a better decision the next time. Open doors for them, but do not push them through, for this will spoil whatever fruit lies through that door.
Addiction is powerful, overwhelming, and consuming. It's running rampant through our streets, creating broken homes and those afflicted are filling our hospitals, jails and prisons. If you've taken the time to read to this point, my guess is that you know an addict you want desperately to help, or you're at least interested and concerned with the issue. Educate yourself and those around you. That's where solving this problem will begin, ignorance only inflames and perpetuates it. Do what you can to help the addict but do not deprecate yourself if and when their behavior fails to change. If it's going to happen, they'll be the one to make it happen, so be patient but guarded.
People are capable of change, that is a fact. Another fact? No one can control another person's actions or desires, we can only influence, so make that influence something positive and meaningful and hope for the best. That's all that can and should be done.
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